parker hu | blog

what's done is done

2012-01-05T22:47:00.001-05:00

what if i make some big mistake and it's too late to say i'm sorry
i didn't mean to hurt anyone
i spoke too soon
tried to tell youall that i felt all at one timelike an honest fool

your arms were crossed
your fingers locked onto the edges of the table
what else is there to think or say
you got so quiet
as if i was tryingto make a joke at your expense
at cruel and tragic times

there will be time you spend deciding
if what i do fits what you're used to
but what's done is done
what's done is done

happy holidays!

2011-12-22T13:51:00.001-05:00

a little holiday drawing i sent to the members of our band, Them Damn Hamiltons!

from left to right: Jeff Chen, cellist/any instrumentist; Dan Hamilton, guitar/mandolin/everythingist; Matt Futoma, drums/percussion; Mik Walker, bass guitar; Parker Hu, vocals/guitar. we're looking forward to playing out and recording our EP this upcoming year!

Abigail Williams

2011-12-12T10:20:00.000-05:00

i'm really excited about this new song that we've written with our band, Them Damn Hamiltons! i've been trying to write in a different style and in the third-person. the lyrics are loosely based on Arthur Miller's play, The Crucible, written from the perspective of Abigail Williams, the story's 17-year old antagonist.

Abigail Williams
after we buried our old man in his grave
we called up the minister to count up the safe
he said, grab your daughters up and cover their eyes
their weakers souls are liable to wander in time

heaven’s calling for you, hell is calling you too
  don’t you dare turn away lest satan poison you
  all we count are the days ‘til we know we are saved
  at least that’s what you will do if you know what’s at stake

all eyes and flowers on my best sunday dress
i sat by the farmer with a tentative breath
as every man and woman put their hands up to pray
i felt his eyes upon me in a devilish gaze

heaven’s calling for you, hell is calling you too
  don’t you dare turn away lest satan poison you
  all we count are the days ‘til we know we are saved
  at least that’s what you will do if you know what’s at stake

how did he get his wife to walk in the fields
an idle thought that passed me while he dug in his heels
he said we would dance upon Elizabeth’s grave
and damned be the Marys if they gave us away

heaven’s calling for you, hell is calling you too
  don’t you dare turn away lest satan poison you
  all we count are the days ‘til we know we are saved
  at least that’s what you will do if you know what’s at stake

no man incarnate can conceal his sin
and i possessed him and invited him in
he kept us a secret ‘til the witches arrived
and that was the moment all the blame became mine

heaven’s calling for you, hell is calling you too
  don’t you dare turn away lest satan poison you
  all we count are the days ‘til we know we are saved
  at least that’s what you will do if you know what’s at stake

buns

2011-12-07T09:36:00.001-05:00

not so interested in renting from this guy after reading this

2011-12-01T15:06:00.001-05:00

Hello.

Thanks for your response. GOD bless you for your interest about my House, Yes is still available for rent.. I am renting this House to a capable and also responsible and neat person or family who has the fear of GOD and treat my House as his or her own... Presently I and my wife have work for USAID. USAID works in agriculture,democracy & governance,economic growth, the environment, education, health,global partnerships,and humanitarian assistance in more than 100 countries to provide a better future for all. USAID still faces an uncertain future. In many developing countries, HIV/AIDS and health issues are having a dramatic impact on social cohesiveness and economic strength,blocking the very development goals we seek. Virtually all the new democracies in the world today are fragile; others are democracies more in name than substance. Nearly a quarter of the people living in developing countries, or about one billion people, live in absolute poverty.. There are a host of other threats - ranging from terrorism to infectious disease and violent conflict - that challenge us and the developing nations we seek to help. USAID efforts to foster world-wide economic growth and increased trade,and tackling cross-border issues such as the spread of HIV/AIDS and trafficking in persons... To safe the life of peoples from primitive death that claims the souls of younger ages as a result of casual sex gave us transfer to West Africa and we will be away for 5 years or more and this is why we are actually renting out our House,so if you are interested and will take good care of our House then we will be ready to accept you as our future tenant and family friend. If you really impress me by taking proper good care of our House, then you will be allowed to stay as long as you wish okay.

So get back to me on how you could take care of our House or perhaps experience you have in renting Home. Hope you are okay with the price of $1000 per month/$700 for the security deposit fee? With hydro, Heat Laundry Facilities, Air Condition, Water, Electricity, Fireplace, Internet Access and so on..

oh baby i want you

2011-11-28T20:22:00.001-05:00

paul (wish i hadn't said the things i said)

2011-11-27T22:34:00.001-05:00

i'm the woman who loved to crucify
blood in my hands
words on my mouth
divorced from my heart
i am paul but i'd rather be blind

The Park—Perilous (11/25/11 Demo)

2011-11-25T01:00:00.000-05:00

finished writing this today. it's not the greatest recording in the world, but oh well! it's still pretty amazing what just a laptop can produce nowadays.

perilous
i must figure out what to say
should occasion make our differences clear and dividing
that is consequence
preparation, perilous
what if we can't go the same way back

now i see the sun go down
i know we can both see it fading
no explaining will change the evidence
but here, our predicament is you see things i call nothing

yes, i owe you this, in a sense
you raise me up in love and kindness
who could deny this?
there are drawings all in the wind
pulling pieces of my being outward
who am i, anyway?

i wish it were that easy

i can't be blamed for the things i said when i believed in them
all thought is subject to interpretation
what i call up just brings you down
you want the best for me and all i want to do is scale the wall

The Park | musicthepark.com | facebook » youtube

2011-11-22T14:49:00.001-05:00

the more we know, the less is fair
but i don't think of these things
not until you're out of here, no

there must be many different ways
to entertain an audience like you
you, who learned it on stage

i know you don't care or cry because you told me
reality is what you make in your mind

we are facing each other behind opposite sides of the veil
i have never seen you clearly until now

gethsemane

2011-11-17T23:41:00.001-05:00

thinking about this stuff while writing for the new band i'm in, Them Damn Hamiltons. i suppose i was wondering what it would feel like to have your father tell you that you're going to die, with people hating and betraying you and not caring about all the good you did.

gethsemane
son, you have to face your own mortality
like the brambles of this garden that you kneel on
all your friends are here, but you know some are enemies
you will know it when they put your ear to the ground
here they come now

do you remember what the weight and color silver is?
or the sound it makes when it's about to break
all the muscles on your back before the second tree
you will be the one that they all love to hate
here they come now

now the consequence of loyalty surrounds you
it’s no more or less than what you have to take
for a promise that means nothing, insignificant
as the course of history submits to fate
here they come now

to die's the only reason you were made for
you said yourself that you just want to be like me
those are words no friend or love or foe could understand
oh my son, your weeping face i cannot see
here they come now
here they come now

The Park | 11/14/11 Video Blog

2011-11-14T20:54:00.001-05:00

we had a great show this past Saturday! thanks are in order to all of you who came out, the Bank Street Coffee House, and the most excellent English musician Frank Brocklehurst, who accompanied on bass.in regards to that night, parker no smart and didn't bring a camera. so if anyone happened to take videos or photos from that night, perhaps consider sending them my way? :) xoxo

The Park | musicthepark.com | facebook » youtube

yet another example of how my brother is awesome

2011-11-09T11:22:00.010-05:00

this is my brother's own handmade ipod cover, referencing Henri Matisse's "Icarus". lovely. art history references FTW.

Icarus, Henri Matisse, 1942

surprisingly haunting and beautiful

2011-11-07T12:19:00.005-05:00

here we have Room for Happiness (ICE Remix) featuring Skylar Grey from Kaskade's latest album, Fire & Ice. i have to say, the production is very different from what i've been hearing from him in the past few years. that's always a given for collaboration and remix compilations, but i'm really struck by the depth of this song in particular. short, sweet and well-executed.

sometimes i wish i never felt the influence of you
now i feel the disconnect like an open wound
where you once were there is a space that runs as deep as hell
but every morning when i wake
i tell myself
don't be fooled by your emptiness
there's so much more room for happiness

sometimes it's worse to have lost than to have never had at all
it's a curse to feel love and to feel it all dissolve
where you once were, there is a space that runs as deep as hell
but every morning when i wake
i tell myself
don't be fooled by your emptiness
there's so much more room for happiness

time and place

2011-11-02T22:54:00.018-04:00

there's an era of words in my head
things i would have said back then and still now
it's strange like that, it can make you laugh on occasion
when it's not so true that it's tragic
things like, "time will tell" and "time is of the essence"
worse, "i saw it coming"
or "that's just the way it had to happen", "shit happens"
i never meant for this to turn to empty phrases

it's like the dying say, life gets in the way of priority
there is a time and place fit for everything
i cannot disagree with that

surely i can't be the only one to wonder if hopes are fallacies
some are born of choice and some of surrender
all indifferent to any truth of the circumstance
who can guess the alternate or speak in confidence
as if opportunity is borne by design?
all at once i am aware of this childish air,
lacking wisdom and authority

give me more time to say what i need to say
so i hear what i want to hear
if there's a god out there, then please make it clear
how am i supposed live with that

the show has been rescheduled to november 12!

2011-11-01T13:31:00.003-04:00

facebook event: [ link ]
bank street coffee shop: [ bankstreetcoffee.com ]
the park music: [ musicthepark.com ]

2011-10-31T16:27:00.001-04:00

some helpful advice for vocalists

2011-10-18T15:26:00.014-04:00

in practicing for next week's show, i've run into some concerns about singing and wearing out my voice. my teacher had some helpful words to say about it, so i've posted her response in hopes that it will be as helpful to others as it is to me. plus, i couldn't resist making a reference to The Little Mermaid. imagine how tragic would it be if i couldn't tell a dashing prince that i'm actually half-fish.

Q: Hi Amy! While practicing for this show, I've been singing more frequently and am worried that I'm going to wear out my voice. The show next week is going to be 2 hours, and I'm noticing that as I run through the songs, my voice gets hoarse, cracks in certain ranges and hurts a little bit. What should I do? Is there a way that I can build up endurance?

A: Hi Parker, if your voice is hurting or cracking it means you are pushing your voice too much. You need to take it easy so you don't do damage to your vocal chords. Supporting from your diaphragm will help a lot so it does some of the work and not your throat. When you are practicing don't push as hard as you would at the concert. Sing lightly with a lot of air. When it comes time for the concert your voice won't be worn out. Drink lots of water and make sure you are resting. Try practicing for shorter intervals and give your voice a rest in between practicing. Your voice is probably cracking where your break is, so try when you are practicing to go up in your head voice sooner. You can sing it the way you usually do in the concert, but for practicing it might be easier on your voice. Ultimately, you are not used to singing for such long periods of time so your voice needs to get used to it. Make sure you are warming up with some vocal exercises before you sing, but if it hurts stop for a while. You don't want to hurt your voice. It is especially important to not overstrain your voice, as this how people develop vocal nodes, which can be very painful and can cause permanent damage to your vocal cords.

2011-10-17T15:16:00.004-04:00

'i'm a broken woman,' i want to say to you
but you're locked and gone to a place i've only heard of

i'm afraid you'll cross the sea
i'm afraid to see your ghost again

i confused every path as my own way to you
those leading everywhere, so finding you nowhere

i'm a lost sound in the wind
i'm a hollow shadow of a man
i'm a lost sound in the wind, a hollow shadow of a man

seeing this makes me the happiest girl in the world:

2011-10-13T11:23:00.013-04:00

seeing this makes me the happiest girl in the world:

i can't think of adequate enough words to describe how amazing Randy Boyer is. besides being a world-reknowned American DJ, producer and recent founder of the EnMass Music label, he is also incredibly passionate about music and is one of the nicest, most genuine and inspirational people i know. he has an amazing story and i highly recommend checking him out.

i heard about Randy a few years ago through a fellow electronic music-lover. i was fortunate enough to be introduced to him after one of his shows in West Hartford by my audio engineer at the time, who told him that i was a singer/songwriter and that we should connect. i've always dreamed of writing for electronic music tracks and being a better performer, and Randy freely offered his expertise and advice to help me grow. long story short, two years later and Randy continues to be a great motivator and my musical mentor. even if i never got to write a track with him, i'd still just be happy that he considers my work worth listening to. i have a lot of respect for him, so i'm always happy to talk him up.

for your convenience:
his recent feature in DJ Times: [ link ]
Randy Boyer's official website: [ link ]
EnMass Music: [ link ]

also, did i mention? he is coming to the show on October 29! i can hardly contain my excitement!

The Park | musicthepark.com | facebook » youtube

things i'm thankful for today

2011-10-08T22:54:00.006-04:00

today i'm thankful for how nice it was out today
today i'm thankful for the time i got to spend with my mother
for trying to speak in mandarin to a new friend and not being half bad at it
i'm thankful for my friend, whom i trust, who spends the time when i'm not around to work on my music and sit down at the computer for hours with me, caring about how my songs are going to turn out
i'm thankful for music and what it does for my inner person
today i'm thankful for the clarity of seeing that i need to back the fuck off and leave things be and leave people alone when i'm not wanted
i'm thankful for all the good times and the bad ones even though sometimes it makes me want to die
thankful that i'm waking up earlier
thankful for meeting people far better than myself
thankful that i have goals to set and flaws to overcome
i am thankful for a God that i'm not entirely sure i believe in, still thankful though
i am thankful for simple songs written by other people
i have things Good and believe sometimes in my ability to be a good designer
and although i am running on empty, i swear today to tell one of my close friends tomorrow what i'm going to do
i'll still be thankful today
i'm going to swear off things that make me fat and ill and disgusted with myself
i hope i don't fail

whoa! a show!

2011-09-30T11:23:00.010-04:00

so how did this crazy thing happen (i can hardly believe it either)? i walked into our local coffee shop a few weeks ago, and posted on the door was a sign asking for acoustic acts. so i talked to the owner and she signed me up for october 29. it's sweet little place in my town, and i hope to see you there!

www.musicthepark.com
www.bankstreetcoffee.com

workspaces and recording

2011-09-12T10:36:00.005-04:00

workspace at work

workspace at home

a few shots of our recording setup from this weekend (the guy with the headphones is my friend and audio engineer, Evan). our session didn't yield any tracks we could use for the final mix, but it was still productive.

2011-08-29T14:46:00.007-04:00

there was a time when i had a lot to say
but for a while now i find it lost

what is it about these nice days which make its beauty so empty
and elusive

of late i feel
like i have no shadow

The Watch

2011-08-14T21:57:00.007-04:00

Our DCAC short film for this year's NECCC retreat.

2011-08-05T23:51:00.001-04:00

2011-07-06T16:33:00.011-04:00

ACT I.
rest assured i keep no record of your wrongs because facebook doesn't give you the option to archive messages and there's no way i'm going to click through pages and pages of messages to find a string of letters and punctuation that allude to a time when you thought you wanted me, i've tried that and it's far too laborious

love and lovely messages are overrated after a shelf life of three months; i've never had a problem with vision so i don't wear rose-colored glasses, i've heard that if you don't need to wear glasses then you shouldn't put them on because you can ruin your eyes that way and if you really wanted to you could have fake glasses, but i'm not into appearances in that way

ACT II.
humility is the sexiest thing i've seen a man or woman wear
sexier than nakedness, more naked than nakedness
i don't think it happens until you've eaten enough of your own words and errors
i've had more than my fill already but i'm a glutton for real beauty

DREAM SEQUENCE
one winter it was so cold and the walls so thin that the glass of water i left on the table next to my bed at night was frozen solid when i woke up in the morning. we came over on planes, crawled out of foxholes made like badgers and i put my feet down and kept it in the unforgiving earth because dreams don't live in the sky and you have to work hard for the things you want. we made love and tried not to make too much noise but the juvenile is fun, she was young and i thought

ACT III
it's too hard to keep up that charade now, there's a bridge across the water you could walk across if your legs were made of wood or fancies
FRANCE
ENGLAND
ROTE
TEAK
YOU COULD BE / PRICELESS / WORTHLESS / HEAVY OR FREE

letter from my sister about church leadership/managing a worship band

2011-07-05T10:57:00.001-04:00

Managing a worship team is one thing, but Leading is a different story. As far as managing, you'll have to compile contact information for people, determine practice times based on peoples (and their parents') schedules, Develop song sets (based on key's, topics, rhythms, audience, and musicianship of members), sending out information at least 1 week in advance, and coordinating with the worship chairman.

Leading a team is more challenging and far more subjective and fluid.

First and foremost, I believe that the worship leader needs to be grounded in their relationship with God. In that regards, I think the one thing that would have helped me out even more back then would be to have an accountability partner or a mentor (youth pastor, counselor, etc...) The difficulty with leading is that, you must discover the method that works best for your personality and for those that you are leading.

My take on leadership is that a leader is really a servant. If one can look past themselves, then one can begin to understand the needs of others and begin to work selflessly towards encouraging them towards success.

For me, that meant talking to people to see what was happening in their lives, praying for myself and the team, and having team fellowship (dinners, outings, prayer meetings, etc...).

One thing that was very important in moving things along smoothly was communicating with the parents. At the end of the day, most of the worship team will probably be comprised of JHS/HS students who can still be rather immature about things. I believe that promoting a good relationship with their parents is very important as well.

But remember that being a leader can become very lonely and frustrating. It can become difficult when you make decisions that won't please everyone, or when you have to explain to a member why you can not go along with a request of theirs.

Most of the time a leader will have to work 3 times harder than everyone else, and a lot of times it will feel like people do not appreciate their hard work. It is at these points when Satan tried to attack. I often wanted to just tell everyone how hard I was working compared to them, tell them how immature they were acting about situations, or just want to give up.

That is why it is so important to be grounded and find an accountability partner. These things are easier to discuss in person, and I can certainly share more with you when I come home.

I hope this helps you and the YG. The best thing that you can do is give this up to the Lord in prayer. Pray and encourage others to pray with you as well. If a worship team is what God wants, then I am sure He will seek a suitable leader for His Glory.

The Park—As Brilliant as the Last (7/1/11 Video Blog)

2011-07-01T23:20:00.003-04:00

As Brilliant As the Last
come, little girl, come down to lay down your weary head
your doubts and fears and anger you don't dare to confess
some days, the sun sets later, to always rise again
each time as brilliant as the last to prove its faithfulness

down here by the river, a stronger being drowns
believing in their weaknesses instead of calling out
'oh death, where is your sting', i've nearly reached my end
but who is that there, reaching out, to save me by his hand

no plan or hopefulness can explain what's said and done
or describe the lightness
when someone gives you a reason to go on

hold and hide me deeply until i am done
'til i have earned my very last breath as well as could be done
oh, should earth remain the same 'til all our dying days
let best of what we have be shared, else we should be ashamed

come, little girl, grow up now and give up your pride
the same one offered for you when you were given life
some days the sun sets later, to always rise again
each time as brilliant as the last to prove its faithfulness
each time as brilliant as the last

The Park | musicthepark.com | facebook » youtube

2011-06-22T17:54:00.002-04:00

in regards to relationships my mentor said to me, "communication doesn't get any easier with the next guy so you might as well work on it now" damn man that is hard

just in case you thought katy perry had the neck of a gazelle

2011-06-21T11:16:00.002-04:00

Feist—My Moon My Man (The Park Acoustic Cover)

2011-06-13T00:07:00.004-04:00

i meant to play this song over the past weekend at the Litchfield green, but the event was cancelled due to rain. maybe it was for the better, for Feist is classy and beautiful and i am not. My Moon My Man is from her lovely 2007 album, The Reminder.

The Park | musicthepark.com | facebook » youtube

best facebook status updates

2011-06-07T08:59:00.016-04:00

one of my acquaintances from China posts facebook statuses that i just love. i think it's the combination of spiritual truth, inspiration and broken english, and just because his personality is so uniquely odd. here are a few of my favorites:

I am in hard Season right now in Life but two goods new
A) God is still my Father and He will provide me a way out
B) It just season for me to gain up my spirit muscle
Hard Season I am not fear of you
You will not kill me but you will make me strong

When these is no Job but super Natural Job is here

Benefit for being broken
Use by God

Worship 101-God is More interested in the Condition of our heart than the Position of our hands

Give Devil a Panic Attacks by Speaking Gods Word
Devil I want to give you Panic Attacks in Jesus Name
From facebook to God Ears

I want to be weakest one so God show most power in me
Haha
The power for being weak

and this....

Fear, you are not welcome to my home for dinner
I totally does not want you to spend over night in my home
Holy Spirit you stay forever

"why?"

2011-06-01T15:27:00.006-04:00

sometimes you do things because you want to
because you're used to it
because it's comfortable
and it's easy

and sometimes you do things because you don't want to
because you're not used to it
because it's uncomfortable
and it's not easy
but you'd do it just to understand someone you love better

2011-05-28T18:16:00.004-04:00

about a month ago, i started a watercolor painting with no focus in particular. with the help of my creative man, he and i threw all the rules out the window and finished it together. we think we have successfully created an artwork that would lead people to believe that we were on drugs (we weren't).

2011-05-28T18:07:00.004-04:00

like it's the 80's

2011-05-27T15:00:00.005-04:00

Stephan Bodzin vs. Marc Romboy - Callisto

2011-05-26T21:51:00.004-04:00

the remixes are also pretty good, but this original is the finest, in my opinion. haunting and beautiful.

marc romboy: marcromboy.com
stephan bodzin: stephanbodzin.de

doing things

2011-05-16T17:28:00.009-04:00

Songwriter Showcase at The Woodhall School, photo courtesy Mick Cantarella

this past weekend was a lot of fun, playing at the Songwriter Showcase at The Woodhall School with five other musicians from the local area, Doug Mahard, Mitch Katz, Don Lowe, Christopher Ellis, and Becky Kessler. all incredibly talented and skilled artists and writers—i am very humbled to have been allowed to play on the same stage (shown above, myself, Doug and Chris). that night, Chris generously offered a slot to play on one of the stages at the Harrybrooke Park Creative Arts Festival the next day. so on Saturday, i had a chance to play again and was joined by Mark Miller for the song, Chaos Theory. Chris was nice enough to make a recording, which is free for download via SendSpace.

Harrybrooke Park Creative Arts Festival, New Milford, CT, photo courtesy Chris Ellis

in other news, my sweet older sister sent me a pair of beautiful AT microphones for my birthday, with the stipulation that the next time i visit her, i must have my new album ready to put in her hands. needless to say, no more dwadling on my end.

thank you to all of you who came out to the shows this weekend. to those i have just met, it was wonderful to meet you. please keep in touch! and as always, thank you to all who are listening. xoxo, parker

The Park | musicthepark.com | facebook » youtube

almost a year in review

2011-05-13T16:01:00.008-04:00

one of my freelance gigs is designing flyers for the Shish Ultra Lounge in West Hartford, where they have a steady line-up of resident DJ's all month long. a lot of them came out like crap when i started last spring, but over time i've tried to evolve each month's line up as a visual set. i'm not a great designer but it's still fun to see the progression of the work.

horizon

2011-05-07T20:49:00.008-04:00

horizon
you're the sky
i'm the sea
looking out over me
where do you end and where do i begin
the divide is nothing like i've ever seen
horizon lines, such invisible things
i'll sail to the place where they meet
in hopes that it's you i will see

you're the sky
i'm the sea mirror
i am changing
by midnight and morning you search not for me
because time is such an irrelevant thing
a mess of pulling inconvenient strings
i'll sail to the place where they meet
in hopes that it's you i will see

The Park | musicthepark.com | facebook » youtube

SNOWMINE-LAMINATE PET ANIMAL

2011-05-06T12:31:00.009-04:00

This entire album is moving and beautiful. Sounds, mood, lyrics, just heavenly. I highly highly recommend buying this album.

SNOWMINE-LAMINATE PET ANIMAL

Lyrics from their first track:

Beast in Air, Beast in Water
You and me we're both the same.
Given a chance you'd wanna be free.
Aside from food and sleep,
I know we can find time to teach the old ways to the young,
And keep our story.

The sand feels like we're walking on balloons.
The air is stairs, our eyes are bright.
You said I still feel queasy after you woke me up,
As our fire begins to roar,
"I cannot help this feeling, I've seen this all before,
but something's different."

"Tell me that you came for me!
Cuz I've been waiting for you.
Tell me you can hear what I'm saying.
Cuz it's a long walk back to town,
And I'm a far cry from the old me"

I recall your sense of urgency,
When you heard of this place.
You knew neither crevice nor hole
could conceal you like you'd planned.
And you can paint your face here, any color you'd like.
Cuz there's a divide between this world I found,
and the weariness of our old one.

"Tell me that you came for me!
Cuz I've been waiting for you.
Tell me you can hear what I'm saying.
Cuz it's a long walk back to town,
And I'm a far cry from the old me"

"Tell me that you long for me,
That you share all of my troubles.
You get all the voices in my head are yelling!
And my friends can't hear a thing,
and I'm a far cry from the old me."

Your secret's safe with me.

Buy LAMINATE PET ANIMAL
SNOWMINE on Facebook + MySpace

very nicely done.

2011-04-19T20:52:00.012-04:00

pete tong's mix was really good this past week (april 15, 2011). chilly gonzales' 'you can dance' with the piano is absolutely perfect. the session isn't online anymore, but here's the tracklist.

Tracklist:
Mync, Ron Carroll & Dan Castro - Don’t Be Afraid
TV Rocks - Diamonds In The Sky
Tim Mason - The Moment (Steve Angello Edit)
Wynter Gordon - Til Death (Dan Castro Remix)
Chase & Status feat. Delilah - Time
Fedde le Grand vs Sultan & Ned Shepard feat. Mitch Crown - Running
Alex Metric & Steve Angello - Open Your Eyes (Style Of Eye Remix)
Chilly Gonzales - You Can Dance
Beastie Boys - Make Some Noise
Vadim Yershov - Cottage Industry (Dave Angel Rework)
Axwell - Heart Is King
Round Table Knights - Paparussi
The 2 Bears - Take A Look Around
Joris Voorn - Indecent Miyagi
Mark Fanciulli - The Tide (Joris Voorn Edit)
Moby - Victoria Lucas
Kaiserdisco - Callao
Boys Noize - Yeah
Soulclap - Lonely
CREEP - Days (Soulclap Edit)
Strafe - Set It Off
Skrillex - First Of The Year
Delilah - Breathe
Fenech-Soler - Stop & Stare (Planet Of Sound Vox)
Maetrik - Push Me
Joel Mull - Harmonautic String (Steve Rachmad Remix)
Nic Fanciulli & Joris Voorn - Together
Shlomi Aber - Taped & Gorgeous (Nic & Mark Fanciulli Remix)

air and light (demo)

2011-04-17T23:49:00.005-04:00

as always, it don't sound so good like i wanted it to.

air and light
mystery veils over endless sky
presence as vast as the most splendid encounters
of never-ending sight
proof of a glorious more
grant me that air and light

haunting and lovely image unseen
vision in echo of sound
captured—you, never—by fancy or dream
tell me where it can be found so i can never be lost

so, into searching we fall
for evidence more compelling each day
as we grow to see how small we are

The Park | musicthepark.com | facebook » youtube

images from taiwan

2011-04-06T09:28:00.005-04:00

2011-03-24T09:12:00.001-04:00

2011-03-23T11:33:00.011-04:00

my friend wrote this. i really like it.

2011-03-17T11:17:00.001-04:00

"there are times I wish I get to divide people in my life into two simple categories.

people I like
people I don't like

but Christ does not call His disciples to commodify relationships, unfortunately. because that'd just be too easy wouldn't it : ) "

slow deep breathes

2011-03-14T17:10:00.008-04:00

just because. (and yes, breathes, not breaths.)

slow deep breathes
1. BT - The Only Constant is Change
2. Dave Matthews Band - An' Another Thing
3. Gui Boratto - Acrostico
4. Fridge - Of
5. Miyake Yu - Beautiful Star
6. The Seatbelts - Dijurido
7. Radiohead - In Limbo
8. Chicane - Arizona (Part 2)
9. David Crowder Band - How Great
10. Four Tet - Pablo's Heart
11. Sneaker Pimps - Sick
[ download zip ]

2011-03-12T22:21:00.007-05:00

i promised i wouldn't but i was in your neighborhood
at the light between prospect and fern, if i
take a right, i can get on your street and maybe stop by
or i could take a shot in the dark and call, see if you want to
maybe grab a coffee and chat
oh, except i've long since erased the number,
remember that time you saw me walking down your street in the rain
about twenty minutes to leaving for one of those interviews i set myself up for
during the month in the spring when i thought we had a chance
of a future together
and the rubber bands on the table, all over your things,
you once complained they were everywhere, in sea foam
green double sided blanket covers, hard wood floors, textbooks in red milk crates
by the foot of the bed
your hair was never as long as it was when we first met
i had complimented you then. do you remember when i left milk nougat
in yours and all of your friends' red felt stockings,
hanging on the mantel over your fireplace in the winter
and ask you how you're doing and is life treating you well, have you finally;
wake up
wake up and get up
are you still blind
you didn't know how to take the good
maybe i could take a right and get on that street to your place
but i forgot this light is shorter than i remember
so i'll stay straight; get the hell out of this place.

2011-03-12T19:59:00.006-05:00

natural disaster occurs
tragedy ensues
reporting testimonies of the surviving creates a sense of optimism for outsiders
simply because one cannot interview the dead

make me wonder (demo)

2011-03-04T00:50:00.007-05:00

make me wonder
somehow the strongest touch is none
the one you cannot give
turns out the fog is simply this: love, directionless

"i don't know what you want from me
i cannot read your mind
how am i not enough for you? am i wasting time?"

say it's worth it (what do i say? what do you say?)
you make me wonder (you said to give, and so i gave)

The Park | musicthepark.com | facebook » youtube

because i felt like it

2011-03-02T15:32:00.003-05:00

today is just f-ing ruthless

2011-02-15T13:15:00.003-05:00

2011-02-13T21:39:00.012-05:00

i consider the mistakes i have made
trying to help when you just wanted to be left alone
i interpreted your secret confidence as something special
but it was not
those are all things i could not have known

impossible
can blind from birth miss the light
or silence know of deafening sound
can your selfishness see its faults
or the wounds its blows have caused

but those are things you will never know
how light is the burden you own

a great quote

2011-02-13T20:48:00.006-05:00

"Shakespeare once said, 'brevity is the soul of wit'. this just means: DON'T WASTE MY TIME."

(from Plinkett's review of The Phantom Menace. it's hilarious—i highly recommend watching it.)

TRBL: TROUBLE! TREBLE! TERRIBLE! THE REBEL!

2011-02-10T12:20:00.009-05:00

for those of you who also work on styles in CSS and don't already know the abbreviated notations for padding and margin, i've come up with word associations for the acronym "TRBL" that might help you remember the order of the values. something i need, because i have the worst memory and am really nerdy. (TRBL stands for top right bottom left.) see below.

and then this, just because.

time for some CUTE

2011-02-09T16:38:00.000-05:00

why not some covers

2011-02-09T14:18:00.008-05:00

one year ago yesterday, Two in Tender was completed and officially released. and considering that today... the progress for this upcoming album has been sloth-like. for those of you who keep up with me and have been asking about it, thank you for keeping me going (and forcing me to not be lazy).

in the meantime, i've been working on some covers, partly to "exercise" and partly because someone once told me that every artist should know some covers to help engage their audience. i don't follow directions well and am interested in somewhat obscure songs (relative to "Hey Jude") that make me look like a pretentious jerk. i guess that's not far off the mark. but for fun, here is my tentative list:

Diana Vickers-Once
Two Door Cinema Club-What You Know
MSTRKRFT-Heartbreaker
Andain-Beautiful Things
Feist-Limit to Your Love
Britney Spears-Unusual You
Dash Berlin-Never Cry Again
Gillian Welch-Caleb Meyer
Sarah McLachlan-Stupid
Marina and the Diamonds-Rootless
Chicane-Autumn Tactics
Daft Punk-Something About Us

i'll post them all as i complete them. but of course, after working on the new album, as well. xoxo, parker

The Park | musicthepark.com | facebook » youtube

2011-02-07T23:08:00.002-05:00

Dash Berlin—Never Cry Again (The Park Instrumental Remix)

2011-02-05T15:09:00.001-05:00

a cover of Dash Berlin's Never Cry Again with piano and french horn. just for fun of it and also for the practice of not sitting on projects for too long and letting them die out. listen to the far superior original here at YouTube.

The Park | musicthepark.com | facebook » youtube » myspace

in january

2011-01-28T11:31:00.012-05:00

we used to wake up with cinder and fire and petrol lingering in the air
fine rust sand in between knees and hung up jeans
in the window, with the red Indian sun pushing up a simpler morning

what's as foreign as this
butter and chilis
half-hearted rotis
small sweet bananas with milk and tea in january

gchat: we are the stupidest/best programmers evar

2011-01-26T22:39:00.010-05:00

NL: i'm grinning my ass off even though inside i'm raging at php right now

me: raging eh
penis hardening protocol?

NL: LMAO

me: hahahaha

an interesting question

2011-01-25T09:38:00.055-05:00

a friend of mine sent me this message last week, which got me thinking. (once again, it is probably good to take my responses with a grain of salt, but all i hope is that i communicate God's will the right way, if i'm being asked.) although this specific situation doesn't apply to all of us, i believe the feeling of wanting to say something helpful (but not being sure how to say it) is universal to all of us.

i have a very musically talented friend who joined my fellowship's worship team, although she's not a Christian. she grew up in church, though she never got baptized. she is a really good friend with whom i've had many talks about her faith as well as her doubts. how do i tell her that it's not healthy to be on the worship team when one doesn't fully believe? i don't want to be insensitive or too direct.

it's not a perfect analogy, but i kind of see the situation like this:

you're at your dad's birthday celebration (or whoever is the closest family member to you). everyone who knows your dad really well and are very close to him are invited. your friend is invited to the celebration too, but she's never met your dad before. she doesn't get all the inside references, but she still feels welcome and is having a good time. everyone is happy to include her in the celebration.

your friend serving in the worship team but not being a Christian would be as if she got up during the party and gave a toast for your dad. it's a really nice thing to do. she could even give a really eloquent and beautiful toast, but since she just met the guy, it doesn't quite mean what it could mean.

possible consequences of this: maybe nothing! maybe no one would think twice. maybe some would find it disrespectful. maybe some would commend her earnest contribution. maybe this would be the first step in her getting to know your dad and family... there are infinite possibilities. but that's not for us to worry about.

my suggestions:

1. definitely continue to thank God for her desire to be with Christians (that's a pretty big deal!) and to be around others who can set a good example.

2. pray for her! pray for her heart to become open to the Lord!

3. pray for the right opportunity to express to her how you feel. bring all things to the Lord in prayer! seems like a rote thing, but it is truly powerful.

4. when you do end up bringing it up, it will help if you frame the situation for her benefit—because it is. for example (and i'm exaggerating but you know what i mean):

ineffective: "i don't think you should be in worship team because usually that's something you do when you're committed as a Christian and i know you're not a Christian."

more effective: "how do you like serving in worship team?" (asking questions is good... hear what she has to say first.) "do you feel like you learn spiritually there?" "do you feel like you are growing in your faith when you sing/play music there?"

i could go on with a lot of stuff, but i want to share one particular experience i had when i was in high school. there was one girl in our worship team who i thought was really immature. i knew she was a Christian and grew up in church, but i didn't think her attitude was right. a few days before one of our praise nights, i remember advising my sister (who was in charge) in telling her, "i think you should take her out of the set tomorrow because i don't think she's spiritually ready (you know, like, in comparison to me /sarcasm)."

ummm yeah... to say the least, i was being a judgmental ass and a hypocrite. i'm not saying this is what you are doing—because it's not! but i bring it up because this is a mistake we can all easily fall into: thinking we can judge or measure someone else's spiritual walk.

it's dangerous; even in our altruism we can have a proud heart, so just be careful. the truth is, there isn't really anything "wrong" with her being on worship team. it is quite possible that God has placed your friend in this situation so YOU can be in her life to guide and care for her. who truly knows!

this is why i suggest you consistently ask her how she's doing, how worship team is going, how is her spiritual walk, ask if she feels like she is being cared for, if there's anything you can do for her. this is the message of the Gospel and the call of Jesus-followers. instead of focusing on how others need to change, we should first ask ourselves: how can we serve this person's needs and—in doing so—serve God? i struggle with this daily, too.

you're in a tough place because you are her friend and you don't want to hurt her feelings, but be direct! you can be straightforward without being offensive. i've found it's best not to skirt around difficult subjects just because it might be uncomfortable or awkward. as you two are good friends, i'm sure she will appreciate your honesty.

i hope that helps and isn't confusing. you know the situation more in depth so maybe nothing i said is relevant. but i hope it helps, and as always, i'm here if you ever need prayer or guidance!

2011-01-24T15:27:00.004-05:00

someone answer me this
what do you do when all the things you love lose meaning
suspiciously i guess: wait, work through, pray, wait
i guess i'm just impatient/but i just

nice people at work

2011-01-20T14:13:00.001-05:00

left me this message while i was in a meeting

Massive Attack—Paradise Circus (Gui Boratto Remix)

2011-01-18T22:16:00.005-05:00

i love the way the piano chord progression and clap sound together. i would love to write and/or sing for a track like this... something chilling and empty and beautiful.

a message from my mentor

2011-01-17T23:18:00.013-05:00

i have been feeling very spiritually empty and unmotivated lately and shared this with my mentor. she had some very wise and encouraging things to say.

I understand what you are sharing. I think it is hard to stay zealous for God too. Finding it harder since I am alone much of the time. In my QT today in Luke Jesus is praying at the Mt of Olives. Interesting that the Son of God needed to pray. Must mean we do even more so. He tells the disciples to pray so they not fall into temptation. Been pondering why we need to pray.... One thing is it makes me admit my needs and focus on God and His resources instead of trying to go it alone. Good reminders for myself.

Much of life is God showing us all we really need and should want is HIM. He really is the only one that satisfies.

So....keep pressing on and don't fall into the trap of living life by feelings. Work to become faithful in all areas and a woman who keeps her word to people and most of all to God. So good that He keeps on forgiving.

on Sunday morning i felt particularly discouraged, and i really wanted to give up on my responsibilities to lead sunday school or do anything. but i reread my mentor's email and it was a good kick in the. i let her know that and she sent me this back:

Thanks for your honest sharing. Good job that you did not 'give up.'

Of course if you did give up, God would not be surprised. The Bible is full of people who keep giving up. The human condition. I have given up often too.....BUT

Why not the two of us keep being women who do not give up!? We can run along side each other keeping the other going on. Let's be women who choose to keep our word and promises. One of the reasons I continue having Quiet Times is because I promised God that I would do so. He has never broken a promise to me and I want to be more like Him.

Now that you are showing more of a passion to meet with God regularly Satan is on the attack. Don't let him win Parker.

once again, i'm reminded that a growing relationship with Christ is a path made in discipline and community, which builds us up (sometimes painfully) with great joy. i hope that these words will also be comforting to anyone else today. love, parker

oh God

2011-01-08T09:20:00.001-05:00

Konroy feat. The Park—Capital City (Konroy Remix)

2011-01-06T10:48:00.001-05:00

With great pleasure, i give you the official release of The Park's "Capital City" remixed by dj/artist Konroy! Official Mp3 Download

The Park | musicthepark.com | facebook » youtube » myspace
KONROY @ MySpace

2011-01-05T14:12:00.006-05:00

love poems
come in the form of letters and words and
love poems
come in the form of your yesterday
precursor to my love for you today
love poems
you wash me under
every stupid and beautiful word could not say it better

love poems, come
write that verse rhyme and secret song
"something that arouses strong emotions because..."

love poems
come and touch
live by never leaving
love poems
come and wash me under
such that the sounds are lost on my tongue

Gillian Welch—Caleb Meyer (The Park Acoustic Cover)

2010-12-29T21:09:00.002-05:00

a cover. but i will never be able to do the original justice.

The Park | musicthepark.com | facebook » youtube » myspace
GillianWelch.com

the magic of overlay

2010-12-29T01:03:00.005-05:00

wasting a little time by having fun playing with graphics. people seem to like this one on facebook quite a bit... it's amazing what a a few color curve adjustments and layering can do to a photograph.

Trim The Fat—Year Mix 2010

2010-12-24T11:19:00.009-05:00

love that sweet electronic music.

Trim The Fat - Year Mix 2010 by Trim The Fat

Trim The Fat's selection of the best electronic dance music of 2010.

"There's been so much great music tickling my ears over the last year that a mix of it all would be about as long as a flight from London to Sydney (it's long, I know!!). This 2hr mix is therefore a brief look into the tracks that have pushed boundires and inspired me to create the music and mixes many are now discovering!

As smooth as a greasy badger and with as much bite as a hungry fox, I hope you all enjoy my journey into the sound of 2010.

Huge thanks to everyone who have supported my work in 2010 and too all the producers out there making the great music we all love, lets just hope 2011 is as productive and innovative.

Any feedback is much appreciated! If your enjoying my sound, please join http://facebook.com/trimthefat to stay up to date with all my releases and mixes! —TL"

1. Ripperton - Random Violence (Original Mix)
2. Kid A - Lonely (Original Mix)
3. Gui Boratto - Azzurra (It's Not The Same Version)
4. Deetron - Collide (Original Mix)
5. Trim The Fat - Riding Rails (Original Mix)
6. Tigerskin - Hole In The Sky (Original Mix)
7. Alessandro Diga - Meltdown (Original Mix)
8. Eelke Kleijn - The Way That You Are (Original Mix)
9. Davide Squillace - Crocodile Tears (Original Mix)
10. Little Boots - Earthquake (Sasha mix)
11. In Deep We Trust - Play With Me (Original Mix)
12. Maetrik - Purr Baby (Original Mix)
13. Robert Babicz - Dark Flower (Fever Mix)
14. Oliver Lang - Dying To Live (Original Club Mix)
15. Sun Control Species - Sleeve (Original Mix)
16. Onnik - Issues (Original Mix)
17. Beckers & Hatfield - CrazE (Original Mix)
18. Format B - Dog Tag (Remix)
19. Abakus - Wasted Feeling (Original Mix)
20. Booka Shade - Regenerate (Pan Pot Remix)
21. Royksopp - The Drug (Original Mix)

Trim the Fat Official Site: http://trimthefatmusic.com

2010-12-24T09:52:00.003-05:00

dear God i dream of fame and of being universally liked
but my desires are fleeting
my wisdom weaker than the least of what you know
i have seen what this world has to offer
and i'd rather have you

2010-12-23T16:14:00.007-05:00

oiakteoomidinokejakokiijoslh misery once my best friend most intimate lover. once my closest confidant and intimate lover / knew the weight of my every step and tendency to leave the stove on / oh he knew me, surely he did. put up with as i kicked over the covers, woke up in the middle of the night gasping with anxiety / knows the writing callouses on my left hand / sensitive pressure points on my knees / knew all of those things... about me. whispers old nicknames forgotten to everyone else's lips but not his, can touch the deepest part of my shame oh yes he does know my name / there was a time once i stood in the door in the late afternoon with golden summer light falling on gloom, and he said..

(IT'S METAPHORICAL
DONT YOU SEE
he said nothing)

knows everything, everything about me / not to ask if i want hot water, that i leave the spoon on top of the coffee maker, no i do not / rubber bands everywhere on top of the turntable on the desk by the mantel on the floor by the foot of the bed knows all these things a reminder as misery rears its head / what else, it's always been cold in the winter, newspapers and firewood in a laundry basket by the stair. always dirt and gravel in foyer where too are the keys and bike. oh he cared for me / knows the angle best to gut and i

well best friend never misery i, could detect mood in its eyes, turned on his radio in the mornings waited patiently and became bored / slept through every little thing; nothing shared here no unity in night separately covered lazy in nakedness, habits every little one, in the house watching potential die and die and die i said

one night screaming to each other across the divide of nothing we came to our baser instincts / i said you are hurting me, i cried you are hurting me, i screamed, you have killed me / and he increased the volume on the tv and he said i don't want you, said, i don't want you then heard his telephone ring and left the room.

this isn't my chair is it? it isn't. this isn't my table is it? it isn't. how is this room? empty. how deep is your sacrifice? endless. who is the man you think you love? only i know his name. does misery know your name? yes. will he take you in at night? yes. will he defend you? no

i said on the sidewalk two minutes from the front door, the one with the tree uprooting cement, i said i will never come back here again / i'll never come here again. i'll never come here again

2010-12-21T14:57:00.004-05:00

the doors are boarded up and the windows broken
it's long since anyone has lived in this place
misery, my lover once
in this house we built
now one of us is gone

"The Modern Thinkers Creed" by Steve Turner

2010-12-20T14:35:00.010-05:00

We believe in Marx, Freud and Darwin.
We believe everything is okay as long as you don't hurt anyone to the best of your definition of hurt, and to the best of your knowledge.

We believe in sex before, during, and after marriage.
We believe in the therapy of sin.
We believe that adultery is fun.
We believe that sodomy is okay.
We believe that taboos are taboo.

We believe that everything's getting better despite evidence to the contrary.
The evidence must be investigated and you can prove anything with evidence.
We believe there's something in horoscopes, UFO's and bent spoons.
Jesus was a good man just like Buddha, Mohammed, and ourselves.
He was a good moral teacher though we think His good morals were bad.

We believe that all religions are basically the same-at least the ones that we read were.
They all believe in love and goodness.
They only differ on matters of creation, sin, heaven, hell, God, and salvation.

We believe that after death comes the Nothing Because when you ask the dead what happens they say nothing.
If death is not the end, if the dead have lied, then its compulsory heaven for all excepting perhaps Hitler, Stalin, and Genghis Khan.

We believe in Masters and Johnson.
What's selected is average.
What's average is normal.
What's normal is good.
We believe in total disarmament.
We believe there are direct links between warfare and bloodshed.
Americans should beat their guns into tractors.
And the Russians would be sure to follow.

We believe that man is essentially good.
It's only his behavior that lets him down.
This is the fault of society.
Society is the fault of conditions.
Conditions are the fault of society.

We believe that each man must find the truth that is right for him.
Reality will adapt accordingly.
The universe will re-adjust. History will alter.
We believe that there is no absolute truth excepting the truth that there is no absolute truth.

We believe in the rejection of creeds, And the flowering of individual thought.

If chance be the Father of all flesh, disaster is his rainbow in the sky and when you hear: State of Emergency! Sniper Kills Ten! Troops on Rampage! Whites go Looting! Bomb Blasts School!

It is but the sound of man worshipping his maker.

The Park | 12/13/10 Video Blog

2010-12-13T20:43:00.004-05:00

i did stuff. played at benefit concerts. started working on a new album. started falling in love. and then added photos on The Park website.

The Park | musicthepark.com | facebook » youtube » myspace

more gchat fun—TOASTS

2010-12-11T19:18:00.003-05:00

courtesy of my cool friend, Dan

"May you always come more than you go."

"Here's to honor, get honor, stay honor and if you can't come inner, come honor."

"May your love be a thousand miles long but come in six inch installments."

2010-12-10T10:16:00.004-05:00

chickenshit

2010-12-10T00:26:00.012-05:00

i've got fear like anyone else
something called "THE REALITY OF SACRIFICE"
not yours—his

and it's fine when it's a Voice next to your Head,
a Voice connected to the Hand
but when Voice comes from the Body you missed years ago
when most people thought the time was right
it would have been a different kind of doubt then;
a less heavy kind of fear than it is now:
the one that says it's too late to slow down

it hurts to grow, but to grow is good

2010-12-09T14:14:00.022-05:00

i regularly exchange e-mails with one of my best friends; we update each other on what's going on in our lives, things we have been thinking about, problems we're having and other things of that nature. as i was writing to her today, i realized a few things that i really believe came out of God's heart, because i never would have been this clearly convicted of my own accord.

- "i really, really want to honor God [through the romantic relationships] in my life, because it has taken me so many years of making the same mistakes to realize just how important it is to surrender this part of my life to Him."

- "i have a lot of issues with sibling rivalry, still. this past year... [i'm very defensive towards my sister] because of jealousy or low self-esteem. God really wants me to reconcile that part of my life back to Him as we grow older and into different types of friendship."

- "lately i have been wondering: what is heaven, and why is it important to think about the concept of heaven on a daily basis? i feel like i might know the 'bible school answer' to that, but truthfully, i don't seem to think it's important, even though i know it should be."

so what else did i learn today:

there are many things in my life that i want to improve and work on

constant self-reflection is vital for growth

the quality of relationships change over time; naturally, it requires work and adjustment for those involved

genuine friendship is essential to a fulfilling life

thxbeseily

/preach

i was being ironical

2010-12-08T15:16:00.004-05:00

to quote from Good Will Hunting:

SEAN
Why don't you come [to the reunion], I'll buy you a drink.

LAMBEAU
The drinks at those things are free.

SEAN
I know, Gerry. I was being ironical.

BAUuuu // so cute CAN'T HANDLE

2010-12-08T11:05:00.002-05:00

somewhat x-rated gchats about kids and marriage

2010-12-06T13:58:00.007-05:00

me: she will willingly want to marry you and have some chilluns

dan: that would be ideal, i think

me: i'm sure she'll be super hot and intelligent as well

dan: also ideal
time will tell!
how about you? babies?
little parkers in their little jackets?
little parkers in their little parkas

me: ohhhhh yeeeeezz
well, being the militant feminist that i am
i will never let any man penetrate me with his penis
so it will not be possible for me to have children

dan: yow!

me: just kiddin
i like gettin dick

2010-12-05T18:23:00.001-05:00

"i've got a man to stick it out and make a home from a rented house... we'll collect the moments one by one—i guess that's how the future's done."

2010-12-04T10:44:00.007-05:00

i noticed you're a dog now
and that i am a bird
you, chasing tails
and me, growing wings

what a stupid thing to say
but i couldn't help but notice how high the wall
and how much i wish i could tear it down
so you could run
and i could fly

gentlemen...

2010-12-02T16:52:00.014-05:00

i had a little passive-aggressive fun at work today by making this graphic, and our team circulated it around the office. acts 29 is a monthly newsletter that we publish, and as usual, people who are notorious for ignoring deadlines create hell for the copywriters and designers. BUT WHO SHOULD BE AT THE MERCY OF WHOM / YES WE HAVE THE POWER

the message is sweeter

2010-12-01T10:40:00.002-05:00

someone left this on my keyboard this morning. it really brightened my day. whoever you are, sweet anonymous person, thank you.

graphics junking

2010-11-29T16:19:00.000-05:00

2010-11-29T00:01:00.011-05:00

re-
learning

what it means to feel upset by a loved one

as well as

what it feels like to call someone love again

or to be winded by conversation
stoned into silence
heavy

like

air of dissonance

find me that resolution chord find me that
completed tone
is it a harmony
or does it sound alone?

i cannot find the final phrase to end this one or
tell you how sad i am when you've drawn to a close.

---------------------

i want to be with You forever
You know what i mean when i say
i'm ready to leave this earth, i think
that i answer to You only

who are your musical influences? part 1

2010-11-25T13:29:00.023-05:00

"who are your musical influences?" i get this question a lot; rather, i get assumed answers to this question told back to me. "oh, i really like your music, you sound like/you must listen to..."

- natalie merchant
- jewel
- sarah mclachlan (i like this one, but it's not true)
- michelle branch (except asian)
- dido
- fiona apple
- (insert other folk/female singer i've never heard of here)

well the truth is, i rarely listen to any of these people and i'm not really familiar with them either. while i appreciate the comparisons to some degree, i thought maybe i would take a little time and answer the question with some examples in two categories: music i grew up listening to and music i like to listen to

I. music i grew up listening to

my first memories of really being engrossed in music when i was in elementary school (or around that age). after my bedtime, i would hide my old alarm clock/radio under the covers and i would tune in to this late-night station that played ambient electronic tracks. i don't remember any of the track names, but this track by Telomere called "Departure" is reminiscent of the programming. i do remember the radio host's voice though, this silky woman who elongated all her words like she was trying to seduce someone. "welcome back, you're listening to 95.5 smooth jazz...."

Telomere—Departure

DC Talk's "Supernatural" album was the first album that my parents bought for me and allowed me to listen to. they were okay with this "rock" music because they were a Christian band. i listened to it over and over and over... absorbed it like water. this is one track i remember liking a lot.

DC Talk—Dive

now it gets a little embarrassing. the first album i ever bought with my own money? Eiffel 65's "Europop." composers of one of the most catchy and annoying tunes of the early 2000's ("Blue"), but the electronic beat resonated with me more than any other rap or rock band my classmates were listening to at the time. i can't tolerate this for more than 30 seconds now, but just like Darude penetrating the US with "Sandstorm" (yes, i used the word "penetrating"), you have to give Eiffel 65 credit for exposing the mainstream public to electronic dance music. even if it was "Blue." even if it was extremely cheesy trance/italo-disco.

Eiffel 65—Too Much of Heaven (if this song/music video does not make you laugh, i don't know what will.)

and then there was more electronic music.

at some point, i was exposed to late 90's anthem trance. one track i remember in particular is Sash!'s "Encore Un Fois", which many of you ravers will probably recognize as a huge hit, as unforgettable as Veracocha's "Carte Blanche" (Vincent de Moor and Ferry Corsten before Ferry Corsten went solo). oh, Europe, why do you have all the music i love? not that i love all these tracks now, but when you say "classics", this is what i think of.

this is about the time my infatuation with the internet began, when i used to visit this one site religiously: flash2.com (or something like that), when flash was an emerging technology and the quiet pioneers of the web were just starting to play around with its animation capabilities. anyways, the flash2.com guy used to make these spacey animations set with the music to these big-name trance tracks, like Veracocha.

Sash!—Encore Un Fois

ok, ok, just a few more electronic tracks and i promise i'm done with this genre. when i first moved to Connecticut, a kid at my church gave me two cds to listen to. one was a mix of different trance music, and the other was a Paul Oakenfold Essential Mix. i listened to these two cds for years and years and years and imprinted them into my music memory.

by this time, i knew that i liked electronic music, but this is when i was first introduced to Chicane. specifically, Chicane's "Autumn Tactics (End of Summer Remix)." this was also about the time when kazaa and napster and all those other music pirating p2p programs were in their hayday, and i spent days—WEEKS—looking up different songs and trying to identify the name of this track. and once i did that, i proceeded to download all the Chicane albums that i could get my hands on. i read about Chicane on his website. i learned his real name, Nick Bracegirdle. i learned that his music was often categorized as "Balearic house" or "ibiza trance." to this day, there is nothing more beautiful and chilling to me than Justine Suissa's voice in "Autumn Tactics." a close second? Andain's "Beautiful Things".

Chicane—Autumn Tactics (End of Summer Remix)

i could go on for a while with electronic music, but i won't belabor the point that i've made a million times. i love electronic music. it is my default love. but yes, i did listen to other music that allowed me to get into songwriting.

the first time i picked up a guitar was at someone's house, while i was waiting for the parents to stop chatting and take me home already. if you're Chinese and speak Mandarin, you'll know my meaning when i say they were "lyao tien." anyways, being a church-going girl all my life, the songs i grew up singing were contemporary hymns, and when i picked up the guitar and taught myself some chords, those were the first songs that i learned.

the very first song i learned how to play on the guitar: "Come, Now is the Time to Worship" by Brian Doerksen.

a lot of the musicians i've met in the past few months have a huge list of cover songs. The Beatles, Kiss, The Eagles, Led Zeppelin, Nirvana, ah hell, i can't even name them, because i don't KNOW any of them. but i do have a list of covers. worshiparchive.com. go here, i know at least 50% of what's there. the song and chord structure of simple worship songs is what i modeled my song-writing after because it was all i knew.

in high school, i adored Jason Mraz. i loved his earlier albums, his voice, the things he wrote about on his blog, the design of his website, i thought he looked a little bit like Hugh Grant, and i didn't like that. but i could get past it. his was the first concert i went to with my friend Kyle. i used to want to tour with him as his opening band. i don't like his newer work, but wow, can that man sing.

Jason Mraz—The Boy's Gone

another friend of mine at the time introduced me to Ani DiFranco, and while she is tremendous in her music skill, her words and fluidity in writing always captivated me more. i never followed her fanatically, but some of my older songs i can hear her influence in. "Manhole" and that whole album, "Knuckle Down" are still one of my favorites to this day. this song has nostalgic value to me, as it brings back to me memories of speeding down route 202 at 11 pm with the windows down, the summer air everywhere.

Ani DiFranco—Manhole

ok, if you're still here reading, i'm getting sick of writing about this. so here's the abridged version of my college years and my musical influences during that time.

i went to art school. lots of trendy scenesters there. was exposed to "indie" music, some screamo bands and obscure pretentious underground groups that i tried to pretend to like, but that didn't work. tried to pretend to like the trendy scenesters who introduced them to me, but that didn't work and they didn't like me either. so i went back to listening to electronic music, got into minimal techno, electro house, other sub-genres of EDM that i still probably have now. basically, i didn't like any obscure indie bands and i never made friends with scenesters. the end.

apologies for such a long and self-indulgent post. i'll do part 2 some other time. do any of these genres reflect in my music? i guess maybe some, but i hardly ever think of the music i listen to as a reference for what i write.

so what about you, what music did you grow up listening to? i know that is much more interesting than this bs that i've been writing about for the past hour or so.

2010-11-25T12:48:00.002-05:00

something i wrote in 2004 (i was 17—wow, i was young and couldn't write):

"you know something i want so bad to stand in front of that crowd feel that nervousness in my perspiring skin and sing and begin / and you know something i want to have to close my eyes center stage and fade to black and stand / another minute or so soaring before i come down now to a place where i am just another child among giants"

can't say that fantasy has changed much since then

2010-11-23T00:17:00.002-05:00

happiness is not inspiring

yet another quote i love

2010-11-22T23:12:00.004-05:00

sent to me by my best friend.

A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ
that a man has to seek Him to find her.

Boom Bip & Dose One—Mannequin Hand Trapdoor

2010-11-20T11:21:00.002-05:00

this track is really beautiful

Boom Bip [ website ]
Dose One [ website ]

let's fall in love, pt. 3

2010-11-19T10:47:00.014-05:00

i want to kiss you under this tree

or that one

or that one

or that one over on the far side of the hill,
the cute-looking one by the stone wall is okay, too

doesn't matter to me, honestly
all trees are good

it's premature, but i can wait it through
i'm not in a rush, really
trees take years and years to grow
they grow in the cold, in the rain, in the snow
in seasons of sentimentality and often in spite of drought
and still have purpose when they're cut down.

so i can wait

i've thought about it, though
thought about kissing you under that tree.
thought it was something worth mentioning.

let's fall in love pt. 2

2010-11-15T14:34:00.013-05:00

under a dark wind, a brighter moon than anything
hides undercover your hand over mine.

you led me through bramble and hill
into a field, the distant shape of a regal tree past the crest of your shoulder
white light cloaked in clouds, trod in
grass and straw, hay of the field underfoot
dew and dirt between my toes.
the chill of night swept sway in our bodies
and i shivered
if you asked me then to define rapture
overcast over empty acres would have been the answer

no room to fall
except everywhere and
no time to lose but in present company
a pulse caught in my chest, yes, right then
and there, when i saw you turn and look at me

felt like

we trust in land and air to guide us
come rushing midnight cold to shelter us
under that wind, a brighter moon than anything
hides undercover your hand over mine.

let's fall in love!

2010-11-15T10:55:00.004-05:00

stuff no one cares about except for me

2010-11-12T14:42:00.008-05:00

STFF PRKR HZ TO DO + where my time goes

i'm reaching that point where i'm close to completely shutting down. i can't handle all of this. it's actually not the quantity of the tasks, it's the stress involved with particular ones. like with Randy, all i think about is how i'm going to let him down and how he doesn't like anything that i write for him. it makes it even harder to write music. it's the vicious cycle of my personal incompetency. it makes everything else harder to do.

a friend of mine told me once about how he reached the point of having too many things on his plate. so he turned every single opportunity and project down, shut himself off until he could get rid of everything that was currently unfinished. and it was a lot better after that. that sounds pretty good to me, yet i can't stop saying 'yes' to people when they suggest a project that we can work on.

the saddest part in this reflection is that God is hardly a part of it. i keep thinking it's all me, it's all about me, i have to do everything, God's just another thing on my to do list. i hate that. i heard a sermon about half a year about that talked about the great error of compartmentalizing God in our lives. i'm still having a hard time applying that concept. but i know he's the most important above all else. and once i get centered on THAT... all this stuff won't be so scary.